What is the difference between Desire and Guilt? Which drives you?

I had kind of an epiphany today as to why I am feeling more optimistic this time around and why suddenly the light went on again and I am determined to succeed right now.  It's the difference between desire and guilt.  Up to a few weeks ago I was driven by guilt to succeed.  I kept telling myself I have to do this because I SHOULD do it.  I HAVE to lose weight because I that's is what is expected of me.  I did it before, I SHOULD be able to do it again.   I sat there feeling guilty about all the things I SHOULD be doing and wasn't doing.  Feeling like I was letting my team down and letting my family down.  Beating myself up... Should HAVE, WOULD HAVE, COULD HAVE = GUILT GUILT GUILT!

well... that's changed.  I don't know why.  Something just clicked again.  It's about WANTING to do this again. The DESIRE to do it is back.  I want this because I want to feel good about myself again.  I have the desire to better myself for ME... not because i feel like it's something I am supposed to do.  I WANT to do it.  I am excited again.  I am involved again. I am realizing this IS a part of my life and I haven't left it behind like I thought I did.  I just needed to be ready to start again. 

Spark had a very timely email yesterday that really struck a chord with me and it was about not giving up.  It had a chinese proverb attached to it and THAT is exactly what has been stuck in my head for several months... hell the last year. It went something like this, " Be not afraid of going slowly; be afraid only of standing still."   When I first read that quote It hit me that I was afraid I HAD quit and  I was definitely afraid I was standing still. 

I read it a few more times and it really stuck with me all day...  Then last night it dawned on me that I forgot that it was okay to go slowly.  It was okay not to be ashamed of what I viewed as a failure (gaining 85lbs). It was okay that I wasn't ready to do this just yet...  IT'S OKAY!!!  For some reason that turned the guilt into desire.  It lifted so many bad and anxious feelings I had been having.   I remember now... It is only a failure if I quit... and that.... I DEFINITELY have not done.

Have a good day monkeys!  :)